So it’s the same subject that is stuck in my head for weeks now and seriously it’s getting bad coz it’s cozing me headache !!
People!!! Yeah people and specially the relationship between men and women in
I have lots of Q’s , I know the answer for some of them but I’m not sure about the rest …
For the past few weeks, I was asked for lots of advices from friends who r close and not close to me and they were all about relationships .. what really bothered me is I gave advices and I was 100% sure that it is what should be done and my friends were sure too then I found out that they didn’t take it and after like 3 or 4 days they come back again with another problem …!!!!
So here is me thinking!!( if you came to me then u think I can help you so why didn’t u take my advice ) ????
The answers is formed in many answers :
1- She is only talking and she doesn’t really care about what I’m saying to help her !!
2- she wants my advice but she is not ready to do it
3- he is too smart and she is too stupid !!
I’m not saying I’m perfect but wallahi I know and I have tried this before with many friends who listen to my advices and it worked !!
I came home today and I asked my mom a Q “ mama am I wrong when I advice people about how to treat their fiancé’s and BF’s when I see that what they do is wrong ?” she said “ no but LU Libyan ppl hates to take the advice !!”
A friend of mine was about to break up with her BF coz he ignored her BD , actually he did alot before that but that was the max for it , so she was very pissed of and upset , I told her don’t break up with him but teach him how you would like to be treated and then she told me him BD will be after 7 days , soo I said “ greaaat treat him the way you want him to treat you this way he’ll feel bad that he even ignored your BD but DON’T over do it coz that will make him think you are wayyy too stupid !!”
The next day she was with him as normal and she told me she drove her car after his to know where is his house and to make sure he drove home safely !! sorry ppl but here is a big DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH “ hellloooooooo you are the lady !! if that was meant to happen he should make sure u r ok waakkk ya rabii girls are losing their minds !!!how on earth he’ll respect you ya binti ?????”
Anyway , so yeah the way I think about it, is that the relationship between men and women is not a war Libyan girls , and men can treat as u like , if u want respect then give it to your self before asking him to respect you , and once you find 0 respect from him drop the whole thing !!
For me trust + respect comes before love , and actually I believe they r the basic of love
So after all I’m praying GOD that I’ll keep my mouth shut and won’t give advices any more…. I’ll keep them to my self !!
Inshallah rabi yestrna !!
14 comments:
i am agree with you.and also me when i gave my friends advieses about the reltionships with men .they dont` accept what i have telling them and they keep doing the same bad things.
how the man will respect the girls if she doesnt` respect herself...!!
Also i have asked my mother that same Q and i got the same answear with this new mother words(do good things for others and dont` wait anything good from them)
good luck my dear
LuLu,
If I was your place I will give the advice and don’t care if they took it or not, as long as they are who came to me at the first place.
I have been asked for relationship advices once, but I really never checked after whether they took it or not, cause if they didn’t I will be irritated and kinda mad, so to spare me all that I never ask afterwards, it's fine with me.
Plus as your mom is right when she said; Libyans think they know everything even if they are in the middle of a big situation.
And if anyone couldn’t cope with an advice, maybe they aren't convinced enough or they know their standing enough to wait for the right time.
It's all about timing.
and i agree respect & trust comes 1st before love.
good luck :D
( off-topic: Piccolina, have you seen my last comment on your previous entry? )
back to this subject of advice, friends & Libyans
and Libyans in particular
if a libyan asks for advice I will not give it for free – I will not
if they ask me, they need to pay me money first.
End of story
( I don’t have free time for Libyans )
Piccolina people ask for advice cos they want to hear that they are right not because they don't know what is right , usually everyone sets his mind on something before even thinking about it but we just think of other choices we have so we don't regret being reckless and going for the first thought immediately ,and people ask each other for advice not because they don't know what to do but they want to hear if you agree with what they already set their mind onto , if you agree with them then you are a good person but if you tell them something different then you are just someone who is trying to apply your own life on his .
now Libyan girls excuse me but why every guy I know suffering from his wife or his finance , it scares me sometimes how cold Libyan women can be , some are taking this whole relationship as a competition who leave the rope first looses , she set her mind on something and he set his mind on something else and thats it , there is no stepping down as if it's a big sacrifice to say lets do what you want , saying sorry is so difficult to them as if dignity is only on not saying sorry , fights are always about stupid things because no one wants to be the one who back up and let it go cos then he or she will feel that they lost , as you said they are treating each other like enemies in WAR .
I will give free advice to Tunisians and Egyptians, if they ask me
But to Libyans I say NO . . because they don’t appreciate anything
( but if they pay, then it would hurt them even more if they didn’t appreciate it – or will not come again )
Libyans are, in my opinion, unique in a bad way
( and they still think they are better than their neighbours )
Salam.. MY GOD libyano what where you doing in my head today??.. :D :D Those are the exact same words I was thinking about writin too... khoi ya Libyano you proved it :)..
Piccolina.. Ill just add my voice to Libyano's on that one yeah? :).. maybe add a lil something and say that I commend your positive intent to give advice, and the selflessness with which you put up with the results of people taking it or leaving it.
Please be careful however, especially in relationships that are not defined islamically, and by that I dont mean any form of tradition. I'm just saying that causual BF/GF relationships are very fuzzy and hard to understand areas for Libyans, and I wouldnt like to see my sister (you) encouraging or trying to keep togethor a relationship mabny 3ala batel..
of course this is my own opinion which I could justify, (if I were to lengthen the explanation) but you are completely free to accept it or discard it! :)
my perspective is always an Islamic one, and I dont give advice out of this perspective :)
Salam sis
I dont agree with Cofman's hasty generlizations! not all Libyans are bad or strong headed! well, s to me I stopped spreadin the joy of advice long time ago coz as u said they come looking for advice when they'r in trouble, and before u know it the sky clears and u turn out to be the bad guy ( elli yam7esh fe nas 3li ba3dha) and this applies to libyans and non-libyan friends of mine!
Fa picco I think 3a2lak fe rasak te3raf 7'alasak, and they r adlts now they should know better than living a double standard lives which bothers me the most!
ciao picco
lovely tripoli .. welcome to my blog , and yes if a women didn't respect her self NO ONE will !!
ema ... habibti i'm not looking for is happening after i give the advice i was asked for .. it's just they turn back to me again or they r still there aslan !!soo don't worry my mouth will be shut form now on :)
cofman .. is aw ur comment and i didn't get it lol " call me stupid " and i totally disagree with u , libyans are not that bad , and why do we judge on a huge number of ppl by knowing few of them !!???
libyano ...yes that is all right what u said down there , you proved to me that you have the same point of view that i have !!
wallahi when i talk with girls they r only talking about the other girls and how they made thier fiance's like slaves for them .. i feel YUK when i hear about these stuff and i just know that i'm dif coz i don't think i'm wrong !!
i keep saying the same thing over and over ... HELLOOOOOO it's not a WAR and if u take it this you'll end up upset your whole life and stressed and nevrs !!
thanks
mani ... i don't encourag things like BF/GF at all ... those are one of the advises girls hate ... like when i say ok he is graduated and alhamdulilah why can't he come talk to your father !! coz by that he is proving he is not playing and then everything will be clear !!
don't worry mani , as in my profile " GOD is number one in my life " and i'm so happy for what you said (and I wouldnt like to see my sister (you) encouraging or trying to keep togethor a relationship mabny 3ala batel.. ) coz it made me feel like you do worry .. thanks alot :)
lost libyan .. well i don't turn to be the bad person but they act with me like nothing happened and trust me they do the same mistake again !!
thanks all for your comments .. what kills me is when i give an advice i never give it unless i'm sure about it or i simply say " i don't know " then they skip it and move on thinking they fixed the problem after a short time they come back again with another problem based on the first one that has not been fixed but they don't get it ...
i keep sayign alhamulilah that i'm living a peacful life and being able to know who should i be asking for advices and i do listen to them !!
my mom " the best " salmik
Sorry, After realizing what I have wrote I deleted some things, sorry
Unfortunately I maybe a bit like yourself, i give ALOT of advice to many of my friends but I do not take my own advise, if a friend would ask me "what to do?" I would have an answer straight away and al-hamid lil-allah i have been proven right more than wrong but when the heart is tender and involved your judgments can be effected and clouded,
Do Libyans take advice? ...... i will say "YES", would I help someone if I can "YES",
Fe Aman Allah
I said Libyans are unique in a bad way
I said I wouldn’t give advice to Libyans for free
I did not say ALL Libyans
I only meant the bad ones only, which make over 70 % of total population
There are many great Libyans everywhere you go,
And most of them are in Libya the great Libyans,
( but they don’t make even 30 % of the population )
so the result?? Libyans are unique in a bad way
- - -
Off-topic
Piccolina,
( good luck with your exams )
I have asked you - now for the 4th time – and you haven’t answered
this is my last visit to your page
bye
a_akak ... i feel bad coz i wasn't here before u deleted the ORIGINAL comment lol " evil smile "
anyway ... good that ur advises were great mashallah ..glad to hear that and thanks for ur comment :)
cofman .. i believe i was clear when is aid i didn't get it , maybe i'm stupid who knows !!but as u like
salam
LOL@Piccolina
salam sis :)
Salam Piccolina,
Bravo! Very well stated. Two things come to my mind from your example as this too is very common where I live.
1-Respect. I see so many women (trying not to be too stereotypical, but rather just pointing out what I observe) lowering themselves to the likes of a dog almost. For they seem to be so happy merely receiving a bone or little scrap of meat from their male partner when in fact if they respected themselves they would get so much more. Why is it that women are willing to accept so little for themselves? Moreover, why do they feel they are only worth so little?
2-Advice. From what I've read you seem to be a wise person. Perhaps someone gifted with the wisdom of advising others, mashallah. However, do not feel disappointed or upset when it doesn't appear others are taking your sound advice. For you've planted the seed (advice) and generally seeds take time and nuturing to fully grown into something. Nonetheless, I'm sure you've also had those that come to you time after time after time with the same complaint and yet have done nothing to change their position. Take those ones out back and beat them---if for nothing else for fun because they are irritating. :o)
LOL@ibee beating up irritating people :P
excellent points :)
salam
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